kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize