apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
