i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
