just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
