guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
