I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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