i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
