He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
