Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
