Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
