I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
