My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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