So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
