hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
