dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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