i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
