The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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