At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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