So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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