tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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