Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
