found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
