Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
