i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
