Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize