There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
