If that was your dad, he is hot
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
