His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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