Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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