i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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