my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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