we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
