So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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