hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
