I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
