They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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