don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Can I color on your dick again?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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