i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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