Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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