there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
