He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
third nipple confirmed
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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