so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
3 2 1 whiskey
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
