I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
