Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
do nipples grow back?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
