I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I did not marry a roomba.
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