It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
