my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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