Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
His nipple licking is glorious
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