He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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