very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
