I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize