TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
