I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
