once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
