Do you still have your period?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
