i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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