It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize