his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize