I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
