There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
