you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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