Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
