I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
