We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
