I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
