If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
