I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
