so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize