If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
