I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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