It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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