just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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