I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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