You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
