did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
