He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
