how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
