We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is it penis luge time yet?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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