Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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