On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize