Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
