I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
