final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
