I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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