he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
