Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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