hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Im part way to drunk.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
