oh god the rape fog is back!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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