i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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