i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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