yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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