everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
