why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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