I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
