things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
