She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
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