You smell like a Billy Joel song
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
