Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
