Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize