I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
