I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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