We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
