I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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