Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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