Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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